


Four Fierce Chocolate Cakes

by blcwriter



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Crack, Originally Posted on LiveJournal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-07-24
Updated: 2009-07-24
Packaged: 2017-10-23 11:51:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/249989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blcwriter/pseuds/blcwriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>  There have been many hot, excellent, well-written K/S/U fics, and yet ... what if Kirk turned Spock and Uhura down?  What if Kirk wasn't quite the complete slut everyone thinks he is?  And what would happen if someone didn't take Kirk's no for an answer the first time he said it?  Four fierce chocolate cakes, that's what.  Kind of cracky, maybe a little OOC, but-- slut!Kirk fics are the opposite of my kink, and I was feeling kind of cranky when I wrote this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Four Fierce Chocolate Cakes

_**Fic: Four Fierce Chocolate Cakes, R (Kirk, Spock, Uhura, McCoy)**_  
Title:  Four Fierce Chocolate Cakes  
Author:  blcwriter  
Word Count:  6520 +  
Rating:  R for sexual language and imagery-- no actual sex, m/m relationship  
Characters:  Kirk, Spock, Uhura, McCoy  
Summary:  There have been many hot, excellent, well-written K/S/U fics, and yet ... what if Kirk turned Spock and Uhura down?  What if Kirk wasn't quite the complete slut everyone thinks he is?  And what would happen if someone didn't take Kirk's no for an answer the first time he said it?  Four fierce chocolate cakes, that's what.  Kind of cracky, maybe a little OOC, but-- slut!Kirk fics are the opposite of my kink, and I was feeling kind of cranky when I wrote this.

  
_\--_

 _This isn't happening,_ Nyota thought for the third time in a month, watching as Kirk walked away from their table, polite smile firmly in place as he bid she and Spock goodbye.  She couldn't believe it-- she was actually stunned.  Her companion seemed equally startled, and Nyota turned to him to ask her question out loud.

"Did he just say no?"

Spock nodded, actual confusion registering on his a not-as-serene-as-it-could-be outer facade.  "Indeed."  He paused, watching as Kirk disappeared into the crowd at the bar and never looked back.  "I must admit I am surprised.  While I could understand the Captain's refusal of your two prior advances in light of my not being present, positing that he would find it hard to believe in my acquiescence and interest, I am puzzled as to why he would now refuse an invitation to join us knowing as he must now that it was genuine."

Nyota took a long sip of her drink as she looked back to where the Captain had disappeared.  When she and Spock had first discussed the possibility of inviting Kirk into their bed, after agreeing that his infuriating obstinacy and intuitive brilliance were both mentally and sexually stimulating (and boy, had that been a conversation, along with the incredibly hot subsequent lovemaking, wherein each told the other what they wanted to do to Kirk or have Kirk do to them), neither had foreseen this-- that Jim Kirk might turn down a sexual proposition from Nyota.  Too, they both knew Kirk had had sex with Vulcans at least twice and had no qualms about sleeping with men, according to Gaila, who had first-hand knowledge about Kirk's Academy sexual catalogue, having been a repeat figure therein herself.  She'd shrugged, though, when Nyota asked her if she knew who Kirk was sleeping with on Enterprise after he first declined Nyota's indecent proposal, saying she hadn't heard anything and that Kirk hadn't approached her, though she'd also been busy with Scotty.

"I don't get it," she mused aloud.  "He's been hitting on me since we met.  Hell, that's _how_ I met him." 

Spock nodded, having heard the story several times, along with Nyota's admission that the fight that broke out wasn't really Kirk's fault, though she would never admit so aloud in Kirk's hearing. 

"Indeed.  He makes sure every duty shift that you share to comment favorably upon your appearance."

Nyota snorted.  Comments such as " _hot boots, are those new_?" or " _especially bitchin' ponytail today, Lieutenant_," or " _those are some really fierce earrings_ ," accompanied by a frank and appreciative look were so part of her daily routine that if Kirk stopped she would be disappointed.  Indeed, the way he called her "fierce" on a regular basis was rather endearing, as if it were an unquestionable part of her personality.  The Captain had his own way of flirting with everyone on the ship, man, woman, or indeterminate gender-- he even flirted with _Spock_ with the way he used and explained strange American vernacular phrases that piqued Spock's interest as a linguist.  But Kirk had always flirted with her first, hardest and longest, making utterly clear the fact that he thought she was a sexually attractive woman.  Which she was.  He'd even gone so far one night at the weekly bridge crew's poker game (and after a few more whiskeys than was probably wise, except everyone had been drinking too much, so it was okay) to tease Spock about how "You're a lucky man, Spock, I bet the Lieutenant is a real tiger in bed," and Spock, watching  Nyota polish her nails on her shirt, actually smiled and responded "Indeed."

"So why the hell would he say no?"  Nyota wondered aloud.  The man couldn't just flirt with her for over four years now, then _turn her down_ when she finally offered to let him into her bed-- and with Spock as a bonus.  She knew Kirk thought Spock was attractive, at least in an objective way; he'd actually come out and said so before dragging her mate shopping on Risa for clothes on a stop on their way back to Earth.  " _C'mon , Spock, you're a hot guy even in your blues, but you're meeting your girlfriend's parents for the first time and you've got to dress for the part_," he'd said with a grin before dragging his Chief Science Officer off for three hours.  And Nyota had to admit, Jim had excellent taste-- the clothes he'd made Spock buy fit him perfectly and the deep jewel tones in sapphires, emeralds and purples complemented Spock's paleness, dark hair and the faint green undertone of his skin.  "There is no objectively reasonable basis for him to say no to us," Nyota said then.  "He thinks we're both attractive, we work well with him, we're senior crew so there's no question of power dynamics becoming a problem, and we're consenting adults.  I don't get it."

Spock shook his head, looking thoughtful and slightly flushed from the heat of the room and the alcohol he'd been drinking.  Though Spock never got drunk, his human blood did leave him somewhat vulnerable, and he could become tipsy, something Nyota adored because Spock became so much more voluble.  "Perhaps I should speak with the Captain alone.  I must admit, I am intrigued.  Perhaps he is playing ' _hard to get_ ,' I believe that is the expression.  Perhaps the fact that you have so categorically told him you had no sexual interest has him convinced that you are joking."  Nodding to himself, Spock stood and smoothed his hands over the front of his shirt-- a deep forest green tunic that followed the lean lines of his body, one that Kirk had insisted he buy on that shore leave on Risa.  "I will go find Jim and speak with him," he repeated, then set off with that look he got when Jim was presenting him with a challenge he intended to meet.  Nyota smiled to himself-- Spock could rarely resist the urge to one-up or match the Captain, and it was good for him as well as Nyota\-- he was far more expressive and aggressive about pursuing his interests than he had been before they'd all started working with Kirk, and while Spock was still brilliant, considerate, and formal in his interactions with everyone, that reserve and occasional diffidence he'd once displayed had yielded to a more forward man who followed Kirk's lead in going after the things that he wanted.  It had worked well for everyone.

And what Spock seemed to want now, along with Nyota, was Jim Kirk in bed. 

Sipping her Cardassian Sunrise, Nyota followed Spock with her eyes, noting he'd come to a stop midway onto the dance floor.  _Ah._ Kirk must be dancing with someone-- something he did well, very much so.  The man had a feline and yet masculine grace when he moved, fully at ease in his body.  She'd enjoyed watching him dance with various crew members on past shore leaves-- it was what had put the idea in her head, at first idle and now with full-speed-ahead-and-fire-the-photon-torpedoes intent, watching the way Kirk danced with his various partners, fast or slow, eyes trained on theirs when he wasn't watching some pretty part writhe or undulate against his, a knowing glint in his eye and an appreciative, sexual smirk on his too-pretty-for-anyone-else-but-him lips.  His hands spanned waists, wrists, biceps, hips, asses as he bumped and ground with his partners or dipped and shimmied, laughing and talking or silent and intent as the songs called for-- and though he always left his partners on the dance floor (at least so far as she could tell, and as chief comms officer she had her ear to the grapevine, literally) the thought of how those moves would translate to the bedroom left her increasingly wanting, especially as she came to see what a good Captain he was, how much he cared for his crew, how passionate he was for things she'd have never expected, like accurate, timely paperwork and rhetorically eloquent observance of solemnities like weddings, deaths, births, and memorials of historic events.  Yes-- there'd been more to Kirk than met the eye, and now that she wanted to see even more, the man she'd thought was allergic to cockblocks was working one on she and Spock all by himself.  It was astounding.

The night got more astounding-- Spock returned with a positively perturbed look on his face.

"Most illogical," he murmured, finishing his dirty martini, three olives-- the man loved his vegetables-- in one gulp.  "I assured the Captain that we were both serious and interested in engaging in relations with him, that we both found him attractive, and that we did not see barriers to a continuing professional relationship with him given our ability to work together on the bridge, but he again declined."

"What did he say?" Nyota asked.  "His exact words?"

Spock replied.  "He said that as hot of an offer as it was, he was going to have to say no, but he was flattered and thanked us.  I advised him that he should not be concerned with fraternization regulations since we were all senior bridge crew, but he simply repeated himself."

Nyota shook her head.  "What happened then?" 

Spock shrugged in puzzlement.  "He clapped his hand on my shoulder as he often does, then left the dance floor to go sit with Doctor McCoy, who poured him a drink from the bottle he and Mister Scott were sharing."

"Did you pick up anything from him when you touched him?"  Spock never tried to read minds, but as a sensitive touch telepath, he sometimes picked things up when he was in contact long enough with a person.

Spock shook his head.  "Other than the impression that he was surprised by what I had said, no.  It is my belief he is sincere in his refusal.  He must honestly think we were joking."

Nyota pursed her lips in annoyance.  If Jim Kirk was going to play hard to get, well-- Nyota always got what she wanted.  "Well, Spock, I think we will have to change our tactics to convince the Captain of our interest.  I wonder if he's ever been courted?"

Spock raised an eyebrow, waiting.  "What did you have in mind?"

Nyota outlined her plan and her thoughts on their respective roles in pursuing Kirk.  Her partner and mate made several extremely logical (and more than a few hot) suggestions, and within a half hour, they had Operation Seduce James Tiberius Kirk fully outlined.  With a smile she could feel was ferocious, Nyota grinned in Kirk's general direction.  "This is going to be fun, Spock," she said, turning to look back at the half-Vulcan, fully passionate, far more adventurous man that few people knew-- except Kirk, who unlike the rest of the crew, understood Spock had a passionate side and didn't question him when he expressed it.  Another reason to get Kirk in bed-- for all that he was a pain in the ass, he had a keen understanding of people's core essences, and his consideration for Spock was far in excess of most crew who never bothered to try getting to know him, and reacted from fear of Spock's sterness, not from respect. 

Spock's mind seemed to follow her own as he, too, gazed in Kirk's direction.  "It will be fascinating.  I look forward to completing this mission."

\--

At first, Kirk seemed not to notice that Spock and Nyota had determined to double-team him until he agreed to come to their bed.  He engaged in his usual overt flirtation with Nyota at the start of each shared duty shift and engaged in his usual teasing vernacular games with Spock in addition to their sparring and chess games as per their regular schedule.  As agreed, Spock stepped up his initiation of tactile interaction with the Captain, brushing fingers and shoulders while walking or standing, and standing or sitting closer than usual.  Nyota, meanwhile, backed off her barbed retorts to the Captain's flirtations, responding instead with quips of her own and occasional compliments.  The first time he said "Lookin' fly today, Lieutenant Uhura" and she said "Right back at you, Captain," and winked, he smiled as brightly as the sun.  Nyota couldn't help the answering throb the look brought to her loins, and the warm trickle of dampness was distracting for the rest of her shift. 

For two weeks, Spock and she gradually stepped up their interactions with Jim before phase two went into effect.

"Captain, the mess gave me extra pudding," Nyota said, sitting down across from him one day in the mess.  "Do you want it?" 

Kirk glanced around, no doubt looking for McCoy, who was always on Kirk about eating healthily and yelling at him for his inveterate sweet tooth.  "Do I want extra pudding," he said with an open-faced grin.  "That's like asking me if Scotty wants Gaila or if Sulu wants Chekov."  Smiling, he pulled up his spoon and dug in.  "I _love_ pudding."

Nyota felt an answering grin on her face.  For all that Kirk was more of a grown-up than she'd yet admitted aloud to him or anyone besides Spock, he still took such open, unabashed joy in simple things like extra chocolate pudding or his favorite chicken-fried steak on the menu.  He indeed revelled in even the smallest of happy moments, something Nyota could admit she could try to do better-- she'd worn her cool, competent exterior for so long that it was hard sometimes to admit that something simply delighted her. 

"Thanks, 'hura," the Captain mumbled around the spoon in his mouth.  "'S'awesome.  'Mind me to give you a raise."

His sparkling eyes told her he was just joking, but he really seemed to enjoy that Nyota had offered him her extra dessert rather than return it to the kitchen.  He didn't need to know that she'd requested it purposefully.

Spock, too, claimed he was having success.  He stated that Kirk responded positively to his mention of Nyota's praising his comprehension of a difficult Cardassian dialect on the last away mission that allowed him to ken to the fact that they were walking into a trap-- his quick hearing had saved lives, no doubt, and Nyota had been impressed by Kirk's retention of the obscure variant on the majority tongue, though she knew he'd only learnt it during one semester's section meetings of the xenolinguistics club. 

After one week of subtly gifting and complimenting the Captain off duty was over, along with Spock and Uhura's on duty verbal flirting and sparring with Kirk, Nyota appraised their progress.

"I believe that it is time to make more overt sexual intimations," Spock said, a speculative look on his face.  "Shall I touch him more aggressively in the turbolift?"

Nyota thought about it.  "I think so.  And I'll play footsie with him during the next senior officers' meeting-- after the meeting is over of course, while we're all socializing." 

Spock nodded.   They met weekly and worked for an hour, discussing department reports, upcoming missions, and anything else relating to the life and health of the ship, but there was always a good twenty to thirty minute period thereafter where everyone sat around and ' _shot the shit_ ,' as McCoy liked to say, everyone joking and laughing and sharing the raunchy jokes and ships' gossip that it was unseemly for them to do with more subordinate crew members.

Plan in place, Nyota's turn came first.  Everyone gave their reports, there was some discussion of an upcoming trade delegation coming aboard and their translation needs-- Kirk asked Nyota to put together and disseminate a primer of polite and usual phrases for the whole ship's crew to use when interacting with the attendees, a considerate touch she would have once thought beyond him-- and they debated a bit some budget issues in light of the fact that Kirk had to finalize the ship's fourth quarterly and first annual report and budget requests and wanted to confirm some requests and recommendations he'd made.  Nyota watched him as he debated the matters raised with the rest of the group, alternatingly light, sarcastic and serious with each of them, though he saved his quickest, nastiest barbs for McCoy and the doctor returned the favor from his position seated opposite him.  Nyota smiled to herself-- the two of them were quite an amusing pair, and their bickering kept Sickbay and the rest of the bridge crew in stitches when the two men were not present, telling knock-knock jokes and asking lightbulb questions that made liberal use of their "Damnit, Jim's" and "Hey, Bones, Bones, hey!" patter to general hilarious effect.  The " _how many ' Damnit, Jims' does it take to screw in a lightbulb_" joke had about two dozen equally funny variations drawing on that same banter.

When the meeting was over, Nyota smiled as Kirk remained in his seat, toying with the remains of the fruit on his plate from the snack tray he always ordered in for the meeting.  The man was a fresh fruit maven-- at least his sweet tooth was ecumenical.  Nyota entertained herself for a brief moment wondering if Kirk could peel a banana with his teeth only, then let her mind drift to what he might do if he found her splayed on his bed, naked and fruit-bestrewn.  She knew from experience that her navel was the perfect size to play host to ripe raspberries.

She joined in the banter between McCoy and the Captain, and soon the patter was triangulate, the three of them laughing.  Nyota smiled and lifted her leg under the table, shifting just slightly until the toe of her boot came into contact with the Captain's leg, sprawled as he was out in his chair, arms behind his head and legs akimbo, spread wide.  Her first, tentative touch yielded to one with more purpose, and never losing the thread of the conversation, she rubbed the toe of her boot along the inside of the Captain's calf, pressing lightly and making several up and down strokes.  Though he said nothing, the Captain flicked one, fast look at her before drawing his leg away.  He managed an easy, natural segue to another subject, then got up and asked she and McCoy if they wanted something more from the snack tray.

"There's nothing _there_ that I want,"  Nyota purred intentionally, and Kirk's eyebrow rose before he laughed.

"Well, Lieutenant," he said, "I'm afraid you'll have to apply to Mr. Spock for anything else, I didn't order that kind of snack." 

Nyota took the moment for the subtle rejection it was and laughed, saying "Pity we're all still on duty, then," before she continued talking with the doctor.  Internally, though, she reacted entirely differently.

 _What the hell?_

 _\--_

 __"It is not going according to plan," Spock confirmed later that day, when they were alone in their quarters, the ones Kirk had granted them without any question when they made their relationship public six months into the mission.  Technically, the quarters were for married crewmembers, but Kirk had waved his hand, blithe as he'd said " _just don't break up, I can't guarantee I'll be able to give you your old quarters back_."  "I brushed my hand over the Captain's admirable posterior in the  turbolift and made significant eye contact, but he just backed away, told me I should bring you my ' _grabby hands,_ ' and got off at the next level.  He did not explain what he meant."

Nyota sighed at the image of Spock holding Kirk's ass while he pumped into him, as well as at the confused tone in her mate's voice as he quoted Kirk's words.  "Grabby hands just means ... well ... that the recipient considers the touching inappropriately sexual and unwelcome."

Spock thought seriously for long moments.  "It seems as though the Captain's disinterest is genuine.  I continue to be surprised.  The Assistant Chief Engineer made it clear in the past that she and Kirk participated in simultaneous sexual activity with as many as three other persons than themselves to mutual satiation, exhaustion and compliments on the Captain's performance while they were at the Academy."

Nyota sighed again.  "I _know_.   Gaila told me about it at the time, I couldn't get her to shut up about how fantastic he was and how hot he looks fucking and being fucked by guys."  A wash of heat suffused her as she recalled some of the more graphic details, and Spock, noting the reaction, tipped his head, peeled off his shirt, and said "You are aroused by some recollection.  Tell me," before he knelt in front of her and ran his hands up the inside of her thighs.

They got off to her screeched, second-hand description of what Gaila described as "then he did this thing with the other guy's tentacles," that left them both exhausted and strangely dissatisfied.

\--

"I've had it.  We're going to go dance with him now and make it 100% clear that he makes you hard and me wet," Nyota said firmly, slamming the rest of her drink and standing in front of the table she and Spock had taken at the edge of the dance floor.  It had not been going well, to say the least.  Kirk continued to rebuff their physical touches, to the point that he now stood or sat farther away from them than he ever had in the past.  He no longer flirted with them, and spoke with she and Spock on a purely professional basis, something that came across as outwardly cold in contrast to the friendly banter he engaged in with the rest of the senior officers.  It was maddening.

Spock nodded agreement, saying "It is indeed an unacceptable state of things, I find myself illogically missing the way the man will intentionally aggravate me by requesting statistics," and following her onto the floor.

Wading in, staring hard through the smoke and the lights filling the air of the club where much of the off-duty crew had repaired while on this week's shore leave at Risa for resupply, Nyota slinked through the crowd until she located Kirk, dancing deep, down and dirty with Gaila, who was smiling and laughing and having an entirely nonsexual time even though their bodies simulated the dirtiest, best kind of sex with clothes on.  So far as Nyota could tell, Gaila was perhaps Kirk's closest friend on the crew besides McCoy and Montgomery Scott, the odd man whose keen love for the ship won him a place in Kirk's heart almost instantly. 

 _Maybe I need to go on about ample nacelles,_ Nyota thought sourly.  Maybe she should have just come out and told Gaila that she and Spock wanted Kirk in their bed, but somehow the idea of asking her former roommate and Kirk's former bedmate for help rankled-- back in Riverside during their first meeting, Kirk had said " _You can handle me, that's an invitation_."  She was irked that it seemed to have been rescinded without her understanding it had.

With a raised eyebrow at Spock, Nyota waded into the fray.  She might not be combat trained, but she'd been a dancer before she decided she loved languages more (and what was movement but its own language, thoughts and feelings communicated in muscle, not words) and physical seduction and convincing Kirk she meant business was something she could do.

Before Gaila could finish her greeting (she enjoyed dancing with Nyota and Spock and had made an enthusiastic third a number of times before she and Scotty got serious) Nyota slid between her former roommate and Captain, Spock coming up behind and running his hands down Kirk's sides, fingers digging in slightly as Nyota snaked one hand behind her Captain's neck and leaned in to his ear.  He was scalding hot, sweating, the heat and moisture molding his clothes to his body, and he'd never looked hotter or more ready for sex.

"We're not fucking around, Jimmy," she purred in his ear.  "We both want you, really.  Want you to come home to bed with us, show us what _your_ talented tongue can do."

Spock, who'd leant in, spoke next.  "Indeed, Jim," he said, his voice silky and deep.  "Nyota and I have both fantasized what your long fingers and broad palms might be capable of, much less the rest of your eminently fit and attractive self."

Nyota felt a rush of wetness tickle its way from her core at the unassailable seductive intent in Spock's voice and the sight of his hands holding Kirk firm at the waist.  She ground her pelvis against Kirk's half-hard-- not to mention thick and impressive-- length in his pants, leaning back to look Kirk in the eye and clasp the sides of his face.  "We both want you-- badly-- and we always get what we want," she breathed over his lips, leaning in to taste those incredible lips of his.

Kirk wrenched himself from their grasp so suddenly that Nyota staggered back, losing her balance-- Kirk looked hard to the side of the dancefloor even as he whipped out one hand and grabbed her hard at the shoulder to keep her from falling and cracking her head, but as soon as she was steady he let go.  Her skin burned with pain and something else she didn't quite understand where he'd gripped her so tightly.

"No." He said it sternly and angrily, his voice cold and distant as he looked off to the side of the floor again.  "And that's the last time this conversation is going to happen.  I don't know what kind of entertainment you think I am, why you think I'm some available conquest, but the answer is no." 

With that, he turned on his heel and slid into the surrounding crowd, disappearing from sight amidst the shifting light and smoke in the air.

Spock and Nyota just stared at each other, the only ones still as their colleagues and strangers gyrated around them.  Spock grabbed Nyota's hand with a concerned look on his face, said "We must go apologize to the Captain immediately," and headed off after Jim.

For once, Nyota was speechless.

When they got to the edge of the dance floor, they saw Kirk standing to the side of a table, head bent in hard conference with McCoy.  He was clearly angry and upset, his muscles rigid with tension, and McCoy's hand gripping Kirk's arm looked like he was restraining Kirk from some further action.  Just as she and her mate neared, Kirk's head whipped around and he broke free of McCoy's grip.  Though the communications officer expected him to confront them again, he did just the opposite, shaking his head in both dismay and disgust before leaving the club altogether. 

Spock, hand still tight on her wrist, started after the Captain-- only to find himself intercepted by a very angry McCoy-- more angry, in fact, than she'd ever seen.

"Fuck off, the both of you," he said loudly, muscles coiled and ready for a fight.  "Leave 'im alone.  He ain't interested, he don't think you're just kiddin', he ain't gonna change his mind, and he sure as hell ain't chicken about fuckin' the two of you horny suave assholes.  He's taken, an' you're pissin' him off an' his partner somethin' fierce with your messin' around with his head.  I dunno why he ain't thrown both o' you in the brig for insubordination or fired your sorry asses for thinkin' he's some manslut who'll jus' jump int' bed with anyone who makes a nice offer."

Spock's mouth gaped open--a first-- Nyota's did too.

McCoy barked a sharp, bitter laugh at their silence and shock.  "Yeah, that's right.  Your Captain is in a fuckin' _relationship_ , has been for a while, an' apparently you never noticed.  The fact that the man can, will, and has flirted with _rocks_ and gotten responses ain't got  nothin' to do with whether he wants in your pants, an' I can tell you most definitely, he don't want in your pants, either o' yours."

The Chief Medical Officer wasn't drunk, clearly-- his speech was too fluid and his fury too focused for him to be anything other than utterly sober and angry, his Southern inflection a further indicia of how perturbed he was for the Captain, since the man's diction most of the time was flawless and standard.  He only slipped into his drawl when he was very drunk or in a high emotional state.

Spock finally regained a sense of himself and spoke.  "We wished to apologize to the Captain just now, Doctor, but if you think that it would not be wise to pursue him at this time, then we will defer to your recommendation.  Truly, no harm was meant.  We were unaware that the Captain was involved in a relationship-- truly, there has been no indication, no rumor that he was involved with someone, and we believed he thought we were joking with him with our ... offer.  Neither of us has any wish to distress the Captain and I will admit my own shame and embarrassment to have caused him or his companion any discomfort.  We would both like to beg the Captain's forgiveness and make that utterly clear."

Nyota nodded, finding her tongue.  "Really, Leonard, neither one of us had any idea.  I mean, you think that would be something that would be all over the ship.  I wouldn't want to hurt the man, we just didn't know."

McCoy's eyes narrowed as he looked at them before he harrumphed in disgust and some self-directed and complex emotion.  "Jim's damn good at keepin' secrets if somebody asks him to-- an' I _know_ that's the deal here.  So it ain't completely your fault.  But..." he said, jabbing his finger at Spock quickly enough that the Vulcan was startled and stepped away from the doctor, stomping  Nyota's foot in the process, "the both of you should've taken no for an answer the first or second time he said he weren't interested. I mean, honestly, when was the last time there was a sexual scandal involvin' the Captain?  Never, I'll tell ya, not since he took on this ship.  No fuckin' alien princes or princesses, no reactions to inhibition loosenin' space plant pollen, no volunteerin' for missions involving ritual orgies.  Everyone thinks Jimmy's a slut an' it just ain't the truth.  Anymore."  With a thoughtful look, McCoy spoke further.  "Hell, turns out he pretty much slept with the same dozen people the whole time he was at school, pretty fuckin' monogamous for him in those days, 'specially when you spread it over three years."  He thought harder, said "Hunh, better'n me at Ole Miss, really," to himself, then muttered "Considerin' how fucked up he was..." and then refocused on Spock and Nyota, shaking his head.

"Anyway.  You kids go fuck off some steam and keep your hands and thoughts about Jim to yourself here on out, y'hear?  I'll make sure he understands y'all didn't really mean any harm and I'll comm you when the coast is clear to come up an' grovel.  Think he'll forgive ya once I get a chance to explain, maybe lend him a little perspective, alright?"

There was no possible response except to agree, so they did, then watched as McCoy strode out of the club, muttering "Goddamned blind stubborn bastard," under his breath.  The mates watched him leave, then turned to look at each other.

Just then, Gaila appeared.  "What was all that?" she asked, half curious, half concerned.  "Jim looked rather upset by your dancing with him, though I thought it was hot."

Nyota shook her head, then followed up on McCoy's information.  It'd be all over the ship tomorrow, what had just happened.  "Is it true Kirk only slept with the same dozen people the whole time he was at the Academy?"

The Orion thought for a moment, then nodded her head in agreement, smiling.  "Oh, yes.  Jim liked variety, but he didn't like sleeping with random people he didn't know very well.  He liked people he could look in the eye and borrow notes from if he was sick, he always said.  It was quite amusing, really.  We all started off as sexual partners, and by the end half of our time was spent as a study group."  Chuckling, she looked more keenly at Spock and Uhura.  "Did you two proposition him and he turned you down?"

Spock answered.  "Yes.  Several times.  Apparently the Captain has been in a relationship for some time.  We were both unaware."

Gaila looked thoughtful.  "It's possible.  Seven of us are aboard and he has not had sex with any of us.  It's too bad.  He's an excellent partner.  Not that I have any complaints about Montgomery, though I think I might ask Jim if he could teach Montgomery how to do that thing with his thumb and his pinky finger."  Her voice trailed off and her chest heaved in memory, her pheromones suddenly filling the air.  "I do miss that one trick."  Thinking some more, she added, "And that one with his tongue where he..."

"Got it," Nyota said, interrupting.  "Look.  I think we're going to go now, we've embarrassed ourselves enough for the night."

"Indeed," Spock agreed.  "I find myself in need of meditation upon this matter, since it seems that our observational skills led us astray in this instance.  I wish also to think over the exact terms of my apology to the Captain."

The comms and science officer gathered their things and headed back to the ship, the rest of the aborted evening spent in dissatisfied and worried contemplation in their quarters.  Neither one of them missed the strange looks they got from some crew members as they headed back to the ship-- damn, but the ship was like high school, sometimes-- but neither could bring themselves to be stern and act as if nothing had happened.

What on _Earth_ had led them to believe that Kirk's " _no_ " meant " _keep trying_?"  Just because the man had a reputation for  sluttery didn't mean he wasn't entitled to turn down objectively attractive offers.  And as Nyota thought further, the more embarrassed she was.  As vocal as Gaila had been in praising Kirk's sexual prowess, she now recalled how hard Kirk had worked to help Gaila with her legal concerns when her asylum application was questioned by her former owners-- Nyota hadn't even known it was an issue until the issue was almost totally solved, Kirk had worked that hard and intently-- and he was friends and sexual partners with Gaila all three years.  He hadn't been some fly-by-night tomcat in any regard, even with someone like Gaila, who wouldn't have minded.  She and Spock therefore began to list out the points they wished to make in begging the Captain's forgiveness, and Nyota resolved to be so nice to Jim that he wouldn't know what had hit him.  She would be his most vocal defender from here on out. 

"How long do you think it will take before the Captain calms down enough to talk to us again?  Or not fire us?"  Nyota asked. 

Spock shook his head.  "Unknown.  He was more angry than I have seen him before, and Dr. McCoy, too, on his behalf.  Though it bothers me to do nothing further, I believe it best to wait on the doctor before approaching the Captain again.  While I do not believe he would fire us, or he would have done so already, I am concerned that we have lost the Captain's trust and damaged our relationship with him.  We will need to be very cautious with him in the future, and I cannot say with any reasonable basis how long that might take."

Nyota slumped in her chair, feeling worn, but before she could speak further, the message alarm on her and Spock's PADDs buzzed.  Picking it up, she read that it was a memo from McCoy-- a chill ran down her spine as she opened it, fearing the worst.  It wasn't what she expected.

 _To:  N. Uhura, S.T. Spock, H. Sulu, M'Benga, C. Chapel, P. Chekov, M. Scott  
From:  L.H. McCoy  
cc:  J.T. Kirk  
Re:  Marital Status Advisory_

 _It's still none of your goddamned business, but fact is, Jim and I have been married since right after we got back to Earth after engaging the Narada.  It was my choice not to tell anyone, but Spock & Uhura aren't the first ones to think Jim was up for grabs just because he didn't have a ring on his finger.  So-- hands off, or you'll suffer my extreme displeasure.  You thought you'd seen me cranky before?  You have no idea._

 _Nobody's fired, I'm not kicking  anyone's asses (for now) and no, you cannot throw us a goddamned wedding party.  Any further personal questions should be directed to me, since I'm the stubborn asshole who was too cranky to put up with all of your nosiness in the first place.  And yes, the Admiralty knows, Pike married us._

 _Scotty , you are not allowed to start a new betting pool on us now that the "are they or aren't they" question's resolved.  _   
_Get back to work._

"Well," Spock said, amazement plain in his voice.

Nyota shook her head, feeling likewise.  "Damn."

"Indeed."

The mates looked at each other, then shrugged, still wondering how to proceed next when their PADDs buzzed again. 

 _To:  N. Uhura, S.T. Spock, H. Sulu, M'Benga, C. Chapel, P. Chekov, Gaila  
From: M. Scott  
cc:  J.T. Kirk, L.H. McCoy  
Re:  Re: Marital Status Advisory_

 _Not even a wee party, just for the bridge crew?_   _I won big in the pool, I always figured there was more there than you twain let on.  I'll order real alcohol, bourbon and vodka and whisky **and** beer with my winnings.  And I'm **sure** Lt. Uhura will make her famous devil's food cake in apology. _

 __The response was near-instantaneous.  
 _  
To:  N. Uhura, S.T. Spock,  H. Sulu, M'Benga, C. Chapel, P. Chekov, Gaila, M. Scott  
From:  J.T. Kirk  
cc:  L.H. McCoy  
Re: Re: Re: Marital Status Advisory_

 _Three devil's food cakes, one for me, two for the rest of you greedy bastards, and it's a deal.  That cake is **fierce**._

Uhura laughed aloud in relief at the email and hit the wall comm.  "Nyota to Kirk," she said, activating the voice command to create the link between their quarters.

There was the sound of McCoy laughing in the background as Kirk answered.  "I'll make you _four_ fierce chocolate cakes.  How's that sound, Captain?"

There was a pause before McCoy yelled "And Spock has to let Jim win at chess every once in a while!"

Spock's eyebrow quirked, but he agreed over Jim's "Hey, fuck off, husband, I want to win on my own," before he said "Four fierce cakes it is, _Nyota_ , Kirk out," and hung up.

The comms and science officers shrugged in unison, Nyota not bothering to suppress a grin at the glee in Kirk's voice as he said the word "husband."  This was not what they had expected at all, but if the price of forgiveness was a light four  chocolate cakes and a few chess games, how could they do anything but agree?

Like good partners who had a bad plan go wrong, they turned their attentions immediately to their next mission, more determined to succeed than ever before-- ordering enough high-quality cocoa and chocolate for four chocolate devil's food wedding cakes and the accompanying frosting was going to be a logistical nightmare.  Kirk was a _slut_ when it came to that frosting.


End file.
